


How to Find a Bride

by Boogum



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Fire Lord Zuko needs a bride, Humor, No War AU, Romance, Sassy Katara, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, silliness and bad wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 06:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20869508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boogum/pseuds/Boogum
Summary: In which Fire Lord Zuko needs a bride, and the entire palace staff is determined to make sure he gets one. Featuring find-a-bride banquets, clandestine adventures, and lots of soap.





	How to Find a Bride

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Advocaat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Advocaat/gifts).

> Wishing you the happiest of happy birthdays, Allison! I'm sorry I can't be there to celebrate with you, but here is a wee gift for your reading pleasure. You asked for Zutara and soap. Lots and lots of soap. (Have I said how much I love your wacky prompts?)
> 
> Anyway, lots of soap you shall get. (Just wait for it …)

Fire Lord Zuko was crowned the ruler of the Fire Nation at the tender age of six. His relatives, it was said, had been a bit on the power-hungry side, and the only things they had brought to the family table were plentiful servings of patricide, fratricide, filicide, mariticide, uxoricide—in fact all manner of murder-cides. So it was no surprise a double poison had left only the awkward kid no one had paid much attention to as the new ruler. (Rumours did say there was an uncle alive somewhere, but that one had run off to join some cult where they all played Pai Sho and drank "special" tea. Or he had vanished into the Spirit World. One of the two.)

In any case, the young Fire Lord Zuko, very solemn and small as he sat on the grand throne, was told in no uncertain terms that he had to find a wife if he wanted to solidify his rule. A wife, of course, who would provide him with heirs and strong political allies.

"I'm six," Zuko said, scrunching his nose. "I can't marry anyone."

"You don't have to marry them yet," Adviser Nida said, speaking in that patronising way all old beards liked to do. "It would just be an engagement."

Zuko looked off to the side, then down at his group of advisers. "No."

"No?" they exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"No." He stood up and adjusted the too-big headpiece secured to his topknot. "I'm going for a walk now."

"But, Your Majesty—"

Solemn little Fire Lord Zuko quickened his pace, scuttling away like a baby turtleduck fleeing a catfox.

oOo

"Perhaps we could hold a banquet," Head Adviser Nida said with strained patience. "We could invite the eligible girls from all over the lands and—"

"No." Zuko popped a grape into his mouth while surreptitiously trying to hide his open copy of _Love Amongst the Dragons_ under his paperwork. "I don't want to hear any more about eligible girls."

"Your Majesty, you're seventeen years old. You must start thinking more seriously about marriage."

"I've lasted this long without a wife, haven't I?"

"But you are the last of your line and you have no heirs. Please excuse my bluntness, but your family does not have the best track record for longevity."

Zuko glared at the bowl of grapes. It was times like this when he wished his relatives hadn't been quite so bloodthirsty, his uncle quite so eccentric, and his mother quite so quick to die after giving birth to him. Sure, it seemed like he was the lucky one, but he knew differently. It was a cursed star that shone over his life.

"Please, Your Majesty. This is for the good of the nation."

Zuko huffed, fire escaping his lips like a forked-tongue. "Fine. We can hold a banquet."

Adviser Nida looked upwards as if to thank the great spirits. "Thank you, Your Majesty. You have made a wise choice."

oOo

Zuko tugged at his collar. He was used to wearing all his fancy regalia in public, but the hall was filled with girls. Girls who fluttered their eyelashes and glittered like jewels. Girls arrayed in various colours and layers of silk. Girls from the Fire Nation, from the Earth Kingdom, and even a few Water Tribe and Air Nomad girls.

Just so many girls.

"I, um, forgot something in my room," he mumbled, turning back to the doors, "so I'll just—"

"Oh, no you don't," the head of the royal guard, Captain Kan, said as he blocked his path. "I'm afraid I can't let you leave."

"Move, Captain."

"No can do. I'm under strict orders not to let you escape."

"But I'm your Fire Lord. You have to listen to me."

"Normally I would agree, but that rule is moot tonight." Kan clasped his shoulders and guided him round to face the sea of girls. "Consider this a palace-wide intervention. We're doing this for your own good."

Zuko's stomach plummeted as he realised that all of the exits were blocked by guards. Those little traitors.

"Have fun," Kan said, and gave him a slight push towards the crowd.

Zuko stumbled a bit gracelessly. A voluptuous girl wearing pink caught his eye and smiled with come-hither eyes. He froze and spun back to face Kan. "You know, I just remembered I have so much paper work to do, so I'll—"

An armoured arm blocked his path. "The paperwork can wait. Just relax. Go mingle. Chat. You know"—he patted Zuko on the shoulder—"let loose and have fun."

"I have never let loose in my life."

Kan looked him up and down—from his deadpan expression to his pointy boots. "Can't argue with that. Still, unless you want a wife handpicked for you, you'd best start mingling and seeing if there are any girls here tonight who take your fancy."

"W-wait, I just need to …"

His feeble excuses were ignored. Instead, he was guided firmly towards the waiting hands of his head adviser. Then it was just awkward introductions after awkward introductions. Painfully so. Zuko was not good at small talk. Or smiling. (Unless you were a turtleduck or of the fuzzy animal kind. He smiled lots at those.) As it was, most of what came out of his mouth were noncommittal grunts and monosyllables.

"I hear you're an excellent firebender," one Earth Kingdom girl said.

Noncommittal grunt.

"Do you train often?"

"Yes."

Her eyes lit up. "Well, I definitely think it's paid off."

"How would you know? You've never seen me bend."

The girl blinked.

Adviser Nida facepalmed.

"Ahem." Kan cleared his throat and leaned closer to murmur in Zuko's ear. "Ah, Your Majesty, you should probably know that she is trying to flirt with you."

"What?"

"Yeah. She meant that she finds you attractive."

Warmth bloomed on Zuko's cheeks. "Oh." He glanced back at the girl, who now looked mortified. "_Oh_."

Damn it. This was why he hated these things. He had no idea what to say to these girls. He still had no idea how to respond. His mind was just a loop of _abort, abort, abort_.

Zuko gave her a stiff nod. "I, uh … I have to go. Nice meeting you …"

He couldn't remember her name, so he nodded again awkwardly and then marched away like his legs were made of lead.

So embarrassing.

Adviser Nida next wanted him to meet a girl from the Southern Water Tribe. Very promising one, he had said. She was the daughter of High Chief Hakoda, basically a princess, and a marriage to her would create a strong alliance. However, all Nida could find was a few of her tribesmen looking rather harried and muttering to each other.

"Where might we find Lady Katara?" Nida asked. "The Fire Lord would love to meet her."

Said Fire Lord was munching on a fruit tart and giving longing looks at the doors.

"Errrrr …" one of the tribesmen spoke up. "S-she's here. Of course she's here. She's just, uh, freshening up. We'll present her to you when she returns."

"Wonderful," Adviser Nida said.

Zuko took another bite of his fruit tart.

oOo

"Um, Your Majesty?" A light tap on the door. "Are you finished in there? It's just, uh, your guests are still waiting …"

Silence.

The two guards looked at each other before, after a shared nod, the one on the left pushed open the door. There was the chamber pot, the basin with water and soap, but no Fire Lord. The window was shut, but all the guardsmen knew that didn't mean anything.

"Oh no," Royal Guardsman Tomoki said, grabbing at his hair. "He did it again!"

"I'll go find Captain Kan and start a search. You warn Adviser Nida that the Fire Lord has done a runner."

Tomoki sighed. "Aye."

oOo

Zuko cursed the heavy layers of his formal wear as he scuttled down the palace wall. This was so much more difficult when leg movement was restricted by his robe and he had droopy sleeves and wads of fabric trying to make him lose his footing and grip. Still, there was no way he was going back inside the banquet hall. The only girl he had enjoyed talking to so far was a Fire Nation noble named Mai, and that's because all she did was ask him if he would move. (He was blocking the fruit tarts.)

"Almost there," he grunted, glancing down over his shoulder.

His gaze caught movement on his left. Someone else was climbing down the wall. Someone wearing a hooded, black cloak. His eyes widened, even as his brain screamed, _Thief! Assassin! Get rid of it!_

Flames burst into life above his palm. "Hey! Stop!"

The thief-assassin let out a decided squeak and tried to climb faster. Zuko swore and scrabbled after them, cursing his robe every step of the way. They both dropped to the ground when they could do so without snapping an ankle, and then he pounced on the cloaked person (earning another squeak), and wrestled them to the ground.

Her hood fell back. Zuko froze. Blue. It was all he could think. Her eyes were so incredibly blue. She was also young—about his age—and really, really pretty. Wow.

"Get off," she muttered, shoving at him.

He shook his head, snapping back into focus. "Who are you?" he demanded. "What were you doing?"

"I could say the same to you!" She shoved at him again.

"This is my palace. I can climb its walls if I want."

Her eyebrows vanished into her hair. "Wait, you're the Fired Lord?"

"Uh, yes."

Wasn't that obvious? He had a golden, five-pronged headpiece stuck in his hair. He was wearing annoying Fire Lord robes. There was a giant statue of him (which he hated) gracing the city.

Much to his confusion, she started laughing.

"Let me get this straight," she said, still shaking with laughter, "are you telling me that you ran away from your own party?"

"The party wasn't my idea and—hey, don't change the subject! You still haven't explained why you were climbing down my walls like some thief in the night."

A twinkle gleamed in her eyes. "Oh, I was also trying to escape. Trying to escape meeting you, actually."

"Me?"

"Ah, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Katara. Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, and I believe my parents and your advisers would love for us to marry."

His cheeks warmed. Oh.

She arched an eyebrow. "Are you going to get off me?"

"R-right."

He stood up and held out his hand. She accepted his help, and he tried not to be distracted by how soft her hand felt. It confused him enough that his stomach was all fluttery. (Maybe he was getting sick?)

She brushed the dirt off her dress and fixed up her hair. He stared (probably like an idiot), but it was hard not to. Something about her was so magnetising.

Then he caught sight of his guards.

Cursing, he grabbed her hand and made a run for it before they could be spotted. They were halfway to the gardens when she asked where he was taking her.

Zuko almost tripped over his robe. "I-I'm sorry." He let go of her hand. "I wasn't really thinking when I grabbed …"

Laughter gurgled free of her lips. "You didn't plan to bring me with you, did you?"

He rubbed the base of his neck and gave a little shrug.

"Hmmm." She tapped her chin and looked around the shadowed gardens. "Well, we've made it this far."

"What do you mean?"

Her eyes twinkled. "Still wanna escape the party?"

His heart stuttered and the confusing flutters got even flutterier. "U-um, together?"

"You know this place better than I do."

That he did.

She smiled in a way that stole all the breath from his lungs. "Well?"

Zuko realised then that he didn't want to disappoint this girl. Couldn't have even if he had wanted to.

He met her eyes determinedly. "Follow me."

oOo

He always kept an extra set of clothes hidden in the garden (for party-fleeing emergencies just like this), so he changed into the casual attire and removed the headpiece from his hair before he helped her over the wall. They took a path along the rooftops. The moon glowed like a shining pearl above them, and stars winked in scattered bursts. When they reached the more populated part of the city, a blend of sounds drifted to them from the streets and buildings—strumming strings and the more mournful sighs of tsungi horns, big belly-bouts of laughter, and the simple, every-day chatter of people going about their lives. A few vendors were still out selling snacks. The scent of spices and fried sweets filled the air.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing down to one of the vendor stalls. "Some kind of fried fish?"

"That's not fish. It just looks like one."

"What's in it?"

"Red bean paste."

She scrunched her nose. "Beans?"

His lips twitched and he gestured for her to follow. "Here, just try it."

They climbed down from the rooftops and approached the stall. He bought one for each of them.

"Careful," he warned when she raised hers to her lips. "You should probably blow on it first. It'll be hot."

She pulled a face but followed his advice all the same. The moment she took a bite, her eyes widened. "It's sweet!"

He smiled and nodded.

They continued to walk down the street, munching on their dessert. His heart kept beating erratically—too fast, too clumsy. It was like a string had somehow extended from his heart to her, and every glance, every smile she threw his way was a fresh tug.

He didn't understand it. Couldn't control it. But he also didn't want it to stop.

She told him about her home in the Southern Water Tribe and the food they ate there. He learnt she had an older brother, that her Gran Gran was the toughest woman alive, and that she loved waterbending.

"Do you want a match?" he asked.

She paused. "With you?"

"Why not? Scared you'll lose to a firebender?"

Amusement gleamed in her eyes. "Alright, Fire Lord. You're on."

He glanced around at the buildings that surrounded them. "Uh … but maybe not here. Hang on, I know a place."

He led her down the streets until they reached the beach. There were only a few stragglers around at this time of night, which was perfect.

"You sure you want to fight here?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "The moon is up, and you've given me an endless supply of my element."

"Figured I'd help level the playing field."

"Ohh, such confidence."

He blushed, suddenly self-conscious. Had that been too much?

She shifted into a bending stance, a wicked smile curving her lips. His heart fumbled like a drunken dancer at the sight. "Come on then, Fire Lord. Let's see what you're made of."

Zuko rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms. Then he attacked.

Fire burst and water rose up, blocking with a hiss of steam. She grinned.

"Not bad," he said.

She dipped her head in acknowledgment.

He lunged again, but this time he shifted into sweeping kicks of fire. She snagged his flames with water whips, wrenching and slicing them to nothing. Impressive. Without missing a beat, she raised her arms and the ocean rose at her command. It loomed behind her like a billowing shadow before ice blades came at him. A powerful bender, this one. It was exhilarating to fight her. He had to move fast, think fast. Had to counter and dodge and chase until his heart was thumping thunder in his ears.

Finally, he got close enough to get his arms around her middle and tackle her to the sand. Their bodies collided in bruising thumps and pulse-skittering warmth. He swallowed. The flames glowing above his palm flickered, bathing her in golden light. Such blue, blue eyes. Pink dusted her cheeks. His heart thumped faster.

She flicked water at his face.

"H-hey!" he protested, getting off her and wiping at the droplets.

She laughed and stood up, but then her smile faltered. "Oh. Looks like we've been caught."

He followed her gaze to where Captain Kan and a few other guards were swiftly approaching. Some of her tribesmen were with them.

"They're going to be mad," she said with a sigh, "but hey, you kept up pretty well. You know, for a pampered Fire Lord."

"What are you talking about? I got you on the ground. I won that match."

"Oh, believe me. I could have taken you out any time I wanted. I just didn't think your people would have been happy if I knocked out their Fire Lord."

He folded his arms. "You're just saying that."

"If that's what makes you feel better …"

He opened his mouth to respond, but by then Captain Kan and the others had reached them. The runaway adventure had to draw to a close.

"I actually did enjoy myself tonight," she said, and nudged Zuko in the arm. "You're not bad company, Fire Lord."

"Please," he said impulsively. "Call me Zuko."

A fresh bloom of pink touched her cheeks. "Oh. Okay then … Zuko."

His heart stirred at the sound of his name on her lips. He tried to say that it was his pleasure to have spent the evening with her, but all that came out was a strangled grunt.

Ugh. Why did words always fail him when he needed them most?

She left with her tribesmen. It was too late to return to the banquet and, desired match or not, it was obvious they had disapproved of her behaviour. Still, as he watched her get farther away, he couldn't help but feel like she was taking his heart with her.

"Wait," he said, grabbing the arm of one of the Water Tribe warriors who had lingered to make his goodbyes to the royal guards. "Lady Katara, what does she like? For gifts, I mean."

"Err … soap."

"Soap?"

"Yeah. Soap."

Zuko released his arm. "Thank you."

The warrior gave a slight bow and dashed off to join the others.

Captain Kan moved to stand next to Zuko. "You know, when I told you to let loose, this isn't quite what I had in mind."

Zuko let out a wistful sigh. "I think I'm in love."

"Wait, seriously? In one night?"

He rounded on Kan, gripping his shoulders. "Quick, where can I find lots of soap?"

"Er …"

"You must know!"

"I'm sure the servants can help you with that."

Zuko nodded and let go of him. "You're right. I'll talk to them. Let us return to the palace at once."

He needed this gift to be perfect.

oOo

Lady Katara stared at the endless baskets of soap that had been stacked against the wall. Her brother, Sokka, cackled like an idiot in the background and kept thumping his leg as he struggled to stay upright. She looked back at the Fire Lord's servant, a strained smile on her lips.

"Come again?" she said.

The servant cleared his throat. "Fire Lord Zuko presents you this gift and hopes you will use the soap well."

Nope, it was still just as confusing the second time. Did he think she smelt bad or something? Was this an unsubtle hint to wash more?

"He also asks that you join him in the training ground for a bending rematch. Uh, if that would please you."

Katara balled her hands into fists. Oh, she'd give him a rematch alright. She couldn't believe she'd actually thought she might fancy this idiot. He was going down!

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Zuko needs to learn how to give better wooing gifts. Or maybe word his love notes better.
> 
> In any case, I doubt this is what you expected, Allison (and I had to really, really rein it in to keep it a one-shot), but I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
